Kill the Demon
by knuckz
Summary: The villagers said to kill the demon. Naruto said to let them try. Mock-fic of the much overused kill-the-demon theme. One-shot only.


Kill the Demon

By knuckz

-

The man was peacefully sitting cross-legged and eyes-closed in a meditative trance within the seclusion of one of the most isolated places in the local park. He was a simple man; peace-loving and calm-minded, never one to raise his hand against others in violence. These were some of the qualities that his beautiful wife had found so attractive about him.

And speaking of his wife, he sensed her approaching him in a hurry. He was no ninja, but only his wife knew of his favourite spot; it obviously had to be her.

It also helped that he had peeked a look at her as she approached.

"Did you hear?" she whispered into the man's ear despite the fact that nobody was around, "That Uzumaki brat purposely painted the sign for Kuroda-san's grocery shop an orange colour over the puke-like yellow-green that it was originally!"

"WHAT!?" the man roared furiously his eyes snapping open as he jumped up instantaneously, not caring that his wife had fallen into the muddy ground behind her after having flinched away from him in surprise, "WHEN DID THIS HAPPEN!?"

It seemed that the woman did not care that her designer _yukata_ had been muddied by her belligerent husband, despite the obviously immense expense it must have cost her to get it.

"It happened just this morning! Kuroda-san told me himself." The slim-bodied wife replied to her husband, as she got off the muddy ground. She swiped the mud from her hair absentmindedly, but her hands were muddy as well, so it only served to further muddy her hair.

"THAT DAMN DEMON!"

And, as if he had just spoken magic words, a small crowd started to form despite the fact that the couple were in a seemingly secluded area.

"What did that demon do now!?" demanded another angry man, his wife in a similar irate state right beside him. These two were not ninja either, yet they had somehow conjured up spears, kunai, and a whole arsenal of deadly weapons out of nowhere.

"He painted Kuroda's grocery shop sign bright orange!" the first man replied.

"WHAT! Now I'll have to look at a bright orange colour instead of the puke-green when I shop for food!? THAT FILTHY DEMON!" shouted yet another woman, her incensed husband snarling beside her.

"How dare that demon do something that any kid of that age would do!?" roared the wife of the second husband.

"We need to do something about that demon once and for all!" roared Husband Number Three. The angry people quieted down as they thought of what they could do to the boy.

"Hey, I have an idea!" Husband Number Two suddenly spoke up. Everybody looked to him.

"What is it?" Husband Number One asked him excitedly.

"Let's KILL THE DEMON!!!" he roared, showering his wife with spittle from his mouth. Yet it seemed that she did not even care that she his saliva dripping down her face as she screamed in agreement.

"That's a great idea! We need to KILL THE DEMON!"

"I'm going to cut out its intestines and strangle it with them!" Husband Number One declared, practically frothing at the mouth. This only provoked more comments of hate towards the 'demon' brat.

"I'm going to rip out its bowels and feed them to it!" yelled Husband Number Two, foam falling from his mouth as if he were canine.

"Ooh, I love it when you talk dirty… it _turns me on_…" said his wife, who started to feel him up. Wife Number One had already started muddying up her husband as she passionately made out with her previously meditating man.

"And I'm going to KILL THE DEMON!" Husband Number Three yelled out, his fists clenched in determination. His wife had already discarded her clothing and stalked after him in lust.

Couple Number One had already started making hate-filled love to each other.

The scene soon dissolved into an orgy of demon-hate.

-

The three couples, having finally torn themselves away from each other, had gathered a larger crowd whom possessed even more weapons thought nobody really knew where the weapons had been obtained from.

However, such irregularities could be overlooked so long as they could make the demon brat suffer. No, it didn't matter to them that he looked like any other kid; he was a demon!

The young Uzumaki Naruto looked at the large crowd with confusion. They had him surrounded, and were all glaring at him banefully, but he ignored them after a moment and went back to looking at his blade-sharp fingernails speculatively, as if there were some great mystery about them.

A single man stepped forward.

"You're going to die today, Uzumaki! You will no longer be the scourge of our lives! No longer will you terrorize our lives! No longer will you paint our puke-green signs a bright orange!" he said, his face twisted in hatred.

Naruto looked at him as if he had just noticed the older male.

"So this is why I say, and everyone around me says, KILL THE DEM-"

The twisted look of hatred remained on the face of the man as Naruto's clawed hand sunk into his throat and ripped out something that the nameless villager definitely needed to stay alive. It didn't take much longer for the man to die painfully, gasping for breath to no avail as blood filled his lungs.

He fell to the floor, only seconds from death. Blood poured out of his throat, pooling onto the street of hardened dirt.

"Demon?" Naruto smirked as he flicked the blood from his hand and onto the face of a (pretty) girl who had witnessed the ruthless kill with horror, "Yeah, I like the sound of that."

The young boy looked to the rest of his aggressors with a smirk on his face.

"So... who else wants to try to 'kill the demon'?"

The crowd ran away screaming for their lives, as Naruto laughed evilly, chasing after and gruesomely killing whomever he could catch.

Kakashi watched the scene, sweat dropping anime-style.

'They've been doing this every week for a year. You'd think that they'd learn by now.' He thought, as he watched Naruto gobble on the severed head of a pretty woman. Then he shrugged and turned his head back to his precious Icha Icha.

His perverted giggles were drowned out by the bloodcurdling screams of bloody horror of Naruto's next victims.

-

**Author's Note:** When I said one-shot only, I meant it. I had one other one-shot (Owl Treats) that I decided to expand because of popular reader response and encouragement; BIG mistake. Now I'm struggling to write for that. I won't be adding more chapters to this.

However, I'd still like to hear from people. Let me know what you think! Every time I read a story with the typical "KILL THE DEMON", I keep noticing that the 'villagers' seem to just degenerate into an 'orgy of demon-hate'. Those are the actual words that go through my head. So I decided to parody that into a literal sense in this story, lol.

knuckz


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